I’m sharing an office at work with a guy named K[censored]. So K for y’all. And I don’t mind that at all, as he’s fun. And having him there gives me an opportunity to rant, make mean comments about something so colossally retarded* that it’s almost beyond comments**, joke and run crazy ideas by someone. Oh, and did I mention he’s fun.

Across the court-yard, on the opposite building, there’s a dance studio. So every now and then they have ballet classes. K’s a big fan.

One day they had what looked like a private ballroom class. Then suddenly, the next time we looked out (yes, I’m keeping an eye on them too) the curtains are drawn.

K starts to laugh and winks, “oh, the next lesson… they drew the curtains for that.”

Me: Would you rather they hadn’t?!?

Of course I make fun of his new addiction to ballet now constantly.

——

One afternoon last week, K’s browsing the news sites online.

“Did you know monkey’s prefer Metallica to any other music?

Me: Huh?

K: Yeah, there’s been a study, and they preferred Metallica out of all others played.

Me: That’s kind of cool, really.

K: And their favourite song is my favourite too.

Me: So… if you think about it… you’re a monkey?

——

Because of where we work, the security restrictions are rather strict for our computers. Every now and then, I get this announcement when I try to access a web page that there’s an application the computer’s not allowed to perform or something like that. It happens. To everyone there.

Except K.

K gets other kinds of notices. His notices say:

“Access denied. The site you’re about to access contain with a 70% probability material of sexual or pornographic nature.”

Noone else in the place is getting that notice, and he keeps getting them all the time. And in all seriousness, he’s been trying to access academic articles and news reports.

Stop trying to watch porn at work, K!!

——-

Today Driver*** brought fruit for everyone (he was ordered to) to the break room / kitchenette. I saw him laying them out as I went to get a drink out of the fridge. Little later K returns to our office:

“There’s fruit in the kitchen.”

Me *not lifting my head from my reading*: Yeah, I noticed. Driver brought them a little while ago.

K: It’s nice, there’s all sorts of fruit, not just apples.

Me *still reading*: Yup, plums and peaches, at least.

K: And also monkeys.

*silence*

Both of us: Monkeys?!?

K *laughing hysterically*: I meant bananas!

Me: Right. There’s a monkey in our kitchen. Okay. *pause* Is he listening to Metallica?

 

* Thank you, Sgt Colbert. I’m totally keeping that.

** Original quote was “that’s so colossally retarded I can’t even comment that”. I guess I’m just better than Sgt Colbert. (Please don’t kill me now!)

*** Yes, we have a chauffeur there.