Abandonment, and some issues Sunday, Sep 20 2009

Okay, so I just got abandoned into a hotel suite in Copenhagen by my Dear ol’ dad. Apparently he was “needed”. So it was time for me to do some soul searching. How’s that all connected, you might ask. Well, mes petites, through this little link called “my dad’s underling”. He was rather cute, you see, and I hadn’t met him before. So of course I tried to appear as adorable and charming as I could. And then, when I was left alone, I checked my blogroll. And if someone had answered my earlier comments in a discussion. (more details in a moment, to explain that one.)

Which brought to mind what H said about me back in St. Barts. That while I don’t care about whether people like me or not, I want people to fall in love with me.

The annoying thing about H is that she knows me. Like, really knows me. And when she says something like that, you can bet your favourite pair of Louboutins she’s right. As she was in this case. I do want people to, if not fall madly in love with me as that’s highly potential stalker material, to be absolutely fascinated by me.

Why is that? Was I left with too little attention as a child? Was I made to work for affection? Do I feel like I have to earn people’s good opinion of me, their interest in me? Do I feel that what am I, when I’m not “being ii”, is not enough to make them like me?

Recently I’ve been involved in some pretty lively discussions with some people, some of which I know, but not all. And this all has happened on the blog of someone I like. Not as in “wish to shag senseless”, after all, there’s BF, but I do wish to become a good friend of this person. He interests me, and I hope to get to know him better. For clarity’s sake, let’s call him Boots.

Well, as I checked the blog in which we’ve been having these lively conversations, I noticed that Boots hadn’t reacted to my comment. And I wondered: why not? Why aren’t you paying me attention? What am I doing wrong, why don’t you like me?

How silly is that?!?

I have been called funny and smart and I’ve received all kinds of praise, even in that blog, from people who both know and don’t know me. It’s nice to get compliments. But after a while, when you do get them, you start craving for them, or for them to lead into something. If I’m so funny and clever and whatnot, why aren’t you paying more attention to me, Boots?!

Which is incredibly childish. But in line with H’s theory that I must have everyone fall in love with me.

I should go back to therapy, shouldn’t I?

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Busy weekend Saturday, Sep 19 2009

Okay, so my weekend is turning out to be pretty busy. And oddly, it’s probably that my butt will bear the costs. Oddly, because usually busy weekends mean flats-on-monday, as my feet are dead. This time, it’s about attending a lot of things where I’m required to sit still and look pretty. What? you ask. Well…

Yesterday I attended a stand-up comedy tour premier. It was loads of fun! It was a “musicale theatricale spectacle” of two guys, both rather top line Finnish comedians. I ended up crying from laughter for most of the time, so that’s a testament to their talent. The structure was a bit too relaxed, at parts it seemed like they were just goofing on the stage, not performing. And the ending wasn’t up to par with the show, but other than those minor problems, it was a good show! And the dynamics between the two guys worked great!

But I’m sure down the line, after a few runs, they’ll get it into a truly great show!

In a moment I’m hopping on to a taxi to get to the airport. I’m flying to Oslo today, to attend the world premier of a ski movie of some friends of mine. The guys are absolutely amazing, and their movies take your breath away. I’ve seen snippets of what they’ve done for this one, and it looks really really good! So I can’t wait to see the whole thing. It should be a good party.

Tomorrow was supposed to be about unpacking the moving boxes. But that plan flew out of the window when DD called. He’s in Copenhagen over the weekend, so I’m flying down from Oslo to spend some “quality time” with him. And then take the evening plane home. So lots of sitting still to look forward to. But, can’t complain, it’s gong to be super fun!

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Too late Sunday, Jun 14 2009

Whenever something happens, something bad and terrible and dangerous, people get scared. That’s a given, and perfectly natural. And we start to avoid the thing that went wrong. When the planes hit the Twin Towers people started to avoid flying. When someone gets kidnapped, more security measures are put in place for people in similar circumstance as the victim, even people completely unrelated to the issue. When a friend heard her plane for her flight was supposed to be Airbus, she rescheduled, because of the plane that dropped to the Atlantic Ocean.*

Maybe I’m weird, maybe I’m naive, maybe I’m lots of things, but whenever people do these things, I think “too late!” the bad thing already happened, you’re safety measured won’t help anymore. The way I see it, these kinds of bad things are largely individual cases. The fact that the planes were flown into the WTC doesn’t mean another one will be hijacked tomorrow, so you’re perfectly okay to fly to your conference.

That’s not to say we should check the safety measures that are in place. And I do believe everything should be done to minimize the risk. But when something bad happens because of one or more lunatics, your precautions are in vane and too late. It’s not a recurring phenomena. It’s a one-off thing! So what’s the point?

DD wants to put me under closer protection. Like, ‘personal protection’. Because of recent events. I don’t see the point in that. I’m perfectly safe. The shit hit the fan, didn’t hit me, and now it’s over. So why bother anymore?

 

* Okay, maybe that example doesn’t belong there, as there has been some trouble with the Airbus planes. But are there anymore than usual (apart from the crash)? Or are they just making headlines because of the one that crashed?

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There are things money can’t buy Tuesday, Jun 2 2009

I’ve always been a strong defender of the idea that if you think money can’t buy you happiness, you just don’t know where to shop. But there are things money can’t buy. Things no amount of shoes or new purses or jewellery can’t fix. And wrongs all the wealth in the world can’t make right.

The other day I tried my very best to pry a word out of heart-broken BF. Watching his dreams crumble is something I never ever want to see, yet I know that it’s going to happen again and again because of who he is, and how he lives. I threw everything I had to him: the funny ii, the kind ii, the crazy ii, the nice ii, the loving ii… nothing got a reaction out of him. I couldn’t reach him.

I couldn’t buy a skirt and make him stop hurting. I could ask DD for the plane and be near him, but I couldn’t fix things for him. I couldn’t buy him happiness.

Yesterday I stood in a store holding a thousand-dollar straw hat in my hand and listened to my friend on the phone telling me that one of our mutual friends had gone missing. Like seriously missing. Noone’s heard of her since last Tuesday night. And we want her back, no matter what the cost.

But we can’t solve this by money. We can hire the best detectives, use every connection we have to press for more police involvement, pay for all the public announcements we want, offer a considerable award for any leads. But all we really can do is pray. Not pay.

I want my friend back. I want BF to smile again.

I want my friend back.

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Absence makes the heart grow fonder Wednesday, Mar 4 2009

Okay, so I disappeared from my blog again. You’d think that what with the new computer and all, I’d be spending all my time on it, and that this blog would get its share of my computer-focused attention. Sorry. You were wrong. I was busy attending the shows, having lunches, catching up with people I know, shopping…

They say we’re in a recession, that we’re in a dire economics situation. Well, according to everything they’ve taught me at school about how the economy works, the private consumption is one of the biggest influential factors to the general well-being of the economy. And that the national economy lives and dies very much along the rises and falls in private spending. In fact, I heard that there’s an add campaign in Finland telling people not to get overly cautious in their spending, or they’ll just “feed the recession”. So that’s what I did. I did my own share in saving the economy.

And I got some really pretty shoes for that.

I think I also deserved the shoes, given that I managed not to break my leg on the slopes in Val d’Isere. And for being a good GF and going to see BF for Valentine’s Day. In case you didn’t notice, I’m not too fond of the Day. I love presents, but I’m not too keen on the glittery glued-on forced romance that goes with it. I like balloons, just not the heart-shaped ones, if you get my meaning. But it was, as it always is, really nice to see BF again.

Of course, the shows. What can I say? There’s something deliciously twisted in shopping for spring and checking out the fall at the same time, while wearing your winter coat. But it looked like a fall I’m going to like. I’m not going to details, check style.com or elle.com if you want to see pictures, but I might post a little something later, in a separate post. It did look good. In case the economy is still in bad shape come September, I’ll be happy to do my share again.

Spending time, if only shortly, with DD is always nice. What with his busy schedule and my own life, it’s not easy to stay in touch and have that father-daughter bonding I’d like. But we did get to spend time together, outside the official atmosphere of a fancy restaurant. Just hanging out, you know? All those who know my dad would be shocked to hear that he knows how to just hang out. *laughs* I do love it when he discusses his work plans with me, even though I have no desire to take his place, ever. I want to do my own thing. But it’s still nice to be let in on the plans.

As for my own plans, I’ll get to them in another post. They’ll take a while… And I have to do it without pictures, as Ski Guy apparently stole Henry.

While I was away, I realised I’ve really missed spilling my thoughts out here on the blog. So, there’ll probably be more posts like this one in the future. How’s that for stories?

*kisses*

ii

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