A week ago on Friday I walk to the office I share with K and toss a bag of candy on the table.
Me: I brought candy.
K*in a sad voice*: Good. ‘Cause there’s no ballet.
His holy trinity is the PBC. Porn, ballet and candy. Why all my friends are crazy?
There’s benefits, and then there’s Benefits. Sunday, Sep 13 2009
It's not me - my friends are crazy! and jobs 9:07 pm
My current job has a lot of good side-effects.
1) It’s just across the road from my gym. I actually end up going.
2) I get to share an office with a guy who looks (according to his niece) like Jesus.
3) I get invited to all sorts of events from art gallery openings to cultural institute season starts to football games. Not that I don’t attend a lot of those as it is, but it’s nice to be asked.
4) My boss, the ambassador, promised to lend me a few of his books about the use of game theory in international conflicts. And yes, that IS cool!
5) I end up in situations such as walking down the street at 10PM with the ambassador and his second-in-command, debating where to get the good pizza.
6) When I needed to go pick up something for the embassy from the store, I was given a car and a chauffeur at my disposal. When we got to the supermarket he parked very illegally on the sidewalk: “diplomatic parking.” That was pretty rad.
K Monday, Sep 7 2009
It's not me - my friends are crazy! and Lessons in Logic and jobs 9:33 pm
I’m sharing an office at work with a guy named K[censored]. So K for y’all. And I don’t mind that at all, as he’s fun. And having him there gives me an opportunity to rant, make mean comments about something so colossally retarded* that it’s almost beyond comments**, joke and run crazy ideas by someone. Oh, and did I mention he’s fun.
Across the court-yard, on the opposite building, there’s a dance studio. So every now and then they have ballet classes. K’s a big fan.
One day they had what looked like a private ballroom class. Then suddenly, the next time we looked out (yes, I’m keeping an eye on them too) the curtains are drawn.
K starts to laugh and winks, “oh, the next lesson… they drew the curtains for that.”
Me: Would you rather they hadn’t?!?
Of course I make fun of his new addiction to ballet now constantly.
——
One afternoon last week, K’s browsing the news sites online.
“Did you know monkey’s prefer Metallica to any other music?
Me: Huh?
K: Yeah, there’s been a study, and they preferred Metallica out of all others played.
Me: That’s kind of cool, really.
K: And their favourite song is my favourite too.
Me: So… if you think about it… you’re a monkey?
——
Because of where we work, the security restrictions are rather strict for our computers. Every now and then, I get this announcement when I try to access a web page that there’s an application the computer’s not allowed to perform or something like that. It happens. To everyone there.
Except K.
K gets other kinds of notices. His notices say:
“Access denied. The site you’re about to access contain with a 70% probability material of sexual or pornographic nature.”
Noone else in the place is getting that notice, and he keeps getting them all the time. And in all seriousness, he’s been trying to access academic articles and news reports.
Stop trying to watch porn at work, K!!
——-
Today Driver*** brought fruit for everyone (he was ordered to) to the break room / kitchenette. I saw him laying them out as I went to get a drink out of the fridge. Little later K returns to our office:
“There’s fruit in the kitchen.”
Me *not lifting my head from my reading*: Yeah, I noticed. Driver brought them a little while ago.
K: It’s nice, there’s all sorts of fruit, not just apples.
Me *still reading*: Yup, plums and peaches, at least.
K: And also monkeys.
*silence*
Both of us: Monkeys?!?
K *laughing hysterically*: I meant bananas!
Me: Right. There’s a monkey in our kitchen. Okay. *pause* Is he listening to Metallica?
* Thank you, Sgt Colbert. I’m totally keeping that.
** Original quote was “that’s so colossally retarded I can’t even comment that”. I guess I’m just better than Sgt Colbert. (Please don’t kill me now!)
*** Yes, we have a chauffeur there.
A problem Wednesday, Aug 26 2009
It's not me - my friends are crazy! 11:10 am
What do you do, when coming home from clubbing, walking down the road, you find yourself blocked in? In front of you there’s a firetruck, to your left there’s an elephant, on your right there’s a dancing unicorn with a straw hat on and behind you there’s a helicopter, so close that you can’t get around them. What do you?
You get the f*** out of the merry-go-round and go home!
(just got this from Gambler.)
What would you do if… Friday, Aug 7 2009
George Clooney and It's not me - my friends are crazy! and decisions are difficult and random stuff I can't figure a category for 9:36 am
For quite some time now a friend of mine and I have been playing this game of “what would you do if..” where we come up with random situations and such, and ask ourselves, what would we do.
What would you do if you won a considerable amount in the lottery, say 50mil?
What would you do if you suddenly found out you were pregnant?
What would you do if your boyfriend (this when we’re both in a relationship) asked you to marry him?
What would you do if you lost everything you have? (as in, what things would you get and such, not “freak out and call mom”, you know?)
What would you do if you had to give up one thing you love deeply?
What would you do if George Clooney asked you out?
What would you do…
The challenge is to come up with creative yet possible* situations, and then being honest. What would you do? What would you ask?
* so George Clooney is okay, Heath Ledger not, ’cause he’s dead. You get what I mean by ‘possible’? So no “what would you do if you could fly?”
It’s nice to have friends… Sunday, Aug 2 2009
Confessions of a Shallow Mind and It's not me - my friends are crazy! and My Friend With Huge Boobs and Ski Guy and alcohol 10:02 am
I know you’ll be wanting of stories… and more than stories of my move, stories of my crazy friends. Well, let’s see…
Ski Guy is finding the joys of custom-made clothes. I was smug. “I told you so”, was used.
My Friend With Huge Boobs is in mourning. Someone had left the fridge door open and her entire jar of Snickers ice cream was ruined. Melted beyond the state of edible. We’re all wearing black.
Apparently I am the imaginary friend of Gambler. And even then she has to pay me to be her friend. At least, if you ask her co-workers.
Perfect Morning-After Voice is no longer together with the annoying girlfriend of his. I’m a happy little elf. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. But I am, nontheless.
There’s most probably going to be a whole new person to my stories. My friend E, whom I’ve known since high school, and whom I love dearly. We are now reunited, in terms of geography, and should be getting into all sorts of trouble together. Or at least, into games of hockey, basketball and football. And to the theatre, to ballet, to art galleries and to afternoon coffee’s. Oh, and extremely drunk. Of course. This should be an interesting fall.
You should have been there… Wednesday, Jul 29 2009
Confessions of a Shallow Mind and It's not me - my friends are crazy! 7:46 pm
One day during Boat Week we were lounging on the deck, sunbathing and chatting and having refreshing drinks. Somehow the conversation turned to military and in particular, Generation Kill. Now, ever since reading Generation Kill, and checking out every video posted regarding it on youtube (What!? I was bored!) I’ve had a major crush on one of the guys portrayed in the book and the series.
Nothing new there, I’ve crushed over book characters (Capt. Wentworth, anyone?) and guys in movies (Sean Penn in the Interpreter?) before, but these are actual guys, real life, not some fictional make-belief. But, as I soundly refuse to believe in the apparently age-old wisdom of “you can’t always get what you want”, I asked M, my friend who happened to be there with us and serves in the Corps, if he knows them. You know, ’cause I’d love to meet them and all. They all seemed genuinely interesting people.
M goes all indignant on me. “You want me to hook you up with some guy you’ve never met?! First off, I don’t personally know every single US Marine there is!” Then he went on (and on and on!) how there’s actually quite a few of them, how they’re stationed on different bases around the States and how some of them are actually on deployment all the time. Rather condescending, if you ask me, but then again, no one ever does…
Then, after that little rant, he finishes with what has got to be one of the best lines ever. “Besides, what am I? Pimping out the Marine Corps now?!?”
Without missing a beat Hélène, seated next to me, calmly and casually lifted the brim of her hat, and said, nonchalantly,
“yes, please.”
And then she returned to taking in the rays, as if M has just asked if anyone wanted a drink. It was hilarious! I guess you should have been there, but trust me, it was seriously funny!
Survival Pack Tuesday, Jul 28 2009
It's not me - my friends are crazy! 9:03 am
The sister of a good friend of mine (S) is moving into my flat. She’s starting university studies here. As a good big sister and the friend of a big sister, we though we’d get one of those wooden wine bottle boxes I’ve got plenty of, and put together a Survival Pack for Sis. Here’s what we’ve come up with so far:
- lunch vouchers. There’s a system in Finland, called ‘lunch vouchers’, where your employer can give you these vouchers, that are fundamentally like gift cards but they’re accepted universally in fast food places, restaurants and even at the deli counters in supermarkets. And as it happens, S’s current employer gives them a voucher for each day we work (it’s a benefit, they have to pay taxes for part of the sum). She doesn’t use one every day at work, so usually has a stack of them in her purse. And like yesterday, she stopped by at the Subway to get food, and paid with the lunch voucher. With the 10% discount they give there for Student ID, you can get a 30cm sub with the voucher. That’s practically free food! So she’s leaving Sis few of the vouchers. For when she’s hungry and money’s short.
- dark turquoise nail polish. Sis looks really good in dark turquoise, so I though I’d leave her a bottle of nail polish in the perfect shade. For when she’s feeling not so pretty.
- candy. For when life’s really being a pain in the butt.
- Cry Baby DVD. Sis apparently loves Johnny Depp and Cry Baby, and I saw it in the discount bin at the store. For when she’s bored.
- A box of scraps of paper with “PUS” (that’d be “KISS” in Finnish) written on them, scrunched up in red silk paper. For when she gets homesick and feels lonely.
That’s all we’ve got so far. She doesn’t really drink alcohol, so… maybe a mini bottle of something, for when she really needs a drink. I’m thinking few more items… Any ideas?
Vocabulary lessons Thursday, Jul 9 2009
It's not me - my friends are crazy! and random stuff I can't figure a category for 12:10 pm
Some recent comments, completely out of context, of course:
- “There’s no fact facts.”
- “I’m a girl girl.”
- “That’s serious serious.”
- “I was like reading reading.”
Oddly enough, not all of those are mine. But I sure love it when unexpected people talk like I do.
Yesterday in quotes Tuesday, Jun 23 2009
BoyFriend and It's not me - my friends are crazy! and Ski Guy and fashion and knitting 2:41 pm
Beth: I’m practicing first on my second ball.
Me: Dirty.
She was talking about her first attempts at knitting. Or so she says…
* * * * *
Ski Guys calls, and as soon as I pick up.
Ski Guy: Are you making fun of my blog?
Me: No! Of course not! I adore your blog. *pause* I’m making fun of you.
*pause*
Ski Guy: Okay.
* * * * *
BF and I are meeting H and J for lunch. H arrives wearing a flowery dress. Like, really flowery. BF stands up to greet her. (Note! BF and H get along really well.)
BF: [H], you look… *he takes a closer, longer look* … like a flower shop threw up on you.
H *turns to me, faking indignation and sarcasm*: He’s a keeper.
Me *laughing hysterically*: And correct!
It wasn’t a good dress.
